Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
