when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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