i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
