I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
worst night to have a conscience
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
