i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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