What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
