If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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