The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
