i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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