I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
