3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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