If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
