So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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