You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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