How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
