i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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