Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
