I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
