Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
