so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
