ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
