Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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