im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
