I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
