I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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