Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
