But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
