It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
