You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
