well I can't set my house on fire every night
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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