Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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