We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
