walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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