I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
