we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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