forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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