you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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