I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
