My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
