Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
