my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
