He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
