4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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