By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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