Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Randomize
