hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
