there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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