Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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