that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
