i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
