Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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