If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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