I am in a vortex of obligation.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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