I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
