There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i think my cat just said my name.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
