I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
